The Brain has Left the Body
I moved to Texas in 1983, the year that Kelly, my niece, was born in Belleville, IL. I missed much of the initial confusion associated in her fight with anorexia. But I did not miss the pain associated with people wondering if my sister and brother-in-law should have done more. I did not miss the tears and helpless feelings her mom had about what to do. I knew people thought it was a decision, and a vain, selfish one at that. But her brain left her body. She died on August 7, 2009.
So much has changed in people’s understanding of the disease since then, and many do not blame parents now. And yet. There is still so much misunderstanding about this disease. One of the hardest things to understand, in my opinion, is that in the deepest darkness of the disease, it is no longer your friend, daughter, sister, niece who is speaking. It is the disease. This fact might make a little sense on a basic intellectual level. But until you are in conversation with someone who has had their brain highjacked by this monster you cannot imagine the power of this demon. This disease loves to find people who are intelligent, articulate, educated, fun, social and with so many other wonderful qualities. This makes it particularly difficult not to believe them when they say what they will do to get help. What their plan is to seek treatment. But be on your guard. The disease is a genius at getting them to sound like they have a plan and will seek the help or treatment that they need. “I will eat something after my finals”. “I will get to that after this weekend after my friend’s wedding”. “My doctor is out of town. I’ll get help when he comes back.” The disease thrives in delays.
You might feel like it sounds insulting to suggest that she should not delay. It can feel as though you do not trust her judgment, especially if she is an adult. Yes, it is certainly possible that this plan is valid. She will seek treatment. But beware the procrastinator, the manipulator, the bargainer. The words are coming out of the mouth of a person, but they have been put there with a demonic plan in play. When a person has so deprived themselves of nutrition that they are starving their organs, they do not have the capacity to think. The brain is also an organ. It is not just an expression to say that the brain has been hijacked, especially if someone is young. The brain is not even fully developed until the age of 25. If someone develops anorexia at a young age, arrested development is a real thing. They can be smart about so many subjects and yet so blind with their own health. Families need help in understanding this brutal truth. I knew this intellectually for years. But until I came face to face with it, I could not fully appreciate the truth of it. I got so frustrated that I wanted to scream. Then I wanted to quit. “If you won’t help yourself, then forget it”. I don’t think many people could do this without help from other family members or friends. I don’t think that I could have done it without support. We all need help. Don’t be afraid to ask for it.
Patti Geolathttps://www.somethingforkelly.org/Our-Foundation