Finding My Strength in Illness and Stigma
Sonia D Grafos
My struggle was REAL. It took years from my life, darkened my soul. But I OVERCAME it. The one who was accused of being the cause of my physical and emotional collapse, my mother, was the one to save me with her LOVE. She fought every battle with the demon inside of me. The demon that made her daughter weak and lifeless, with no will to live, slowly dying from the inside out.
You think she wanted this? You think I wanted this? To be living in the darkest place in my mind. Thinking that I deserved extreme denial of all things that brings life; nutrients for the body, soul and mind, emotional connection, hopes, and dreams. I did not want this! I did NOT CHOOSE this illness. But it consumed me. Distorted my thoughts, my sight, and my actions. Not till I saw dangers it was bringing upon my future, did I experience the will to FIGHT. And I did. I battled the toughest battle of my life.
I buried this experience deep inside me. It was my secret, my family’s shame. It was frowned upon to speak of it because everyone would find it appalling and label us as crazy.
How can someone keep such a life changing recovery from illness a secret and not have the chance to be proud and celebrate this great achievement? Recovery from illness is praised, right? It is a great symbol of strength, perseverance, and integrity. Not with the stigma of mental illness. A symbol of great strength becomes one of embarrassment.
It was this struggle, this deep despair and loss of life that gave me the strength, courage, and empathy to be the person I am today. To be a nurse alongside COVID-19 patients struggling in pain and weakness or breathing their last breath. I was there to give comfort to them and their loved ones, because I overcame my battle with my eating disorder.
About Sonia D. Grafos RN, BSN, CPN
I achieved the accomplishments of becoming a registered nurse and mother of two boys because of my greatest accomplishment, recovery from an eating disorder. It was when I first discovered the Nine Truths About Eating Disorders that I truly understood the meaning of my struggle and except the pain of my past. I learned my battle with an eating disorder is where my strength lies, and I should not be ashamed of it. Now I share my story and work on my journey to help others understand their own, and advocate for eating disorder education and mental health awareness.
World Eating Disorders Action Day
World Eating Disorders Action Day is taking place across the world on June 2, 2020. For the 5th year running, this grassroots campaign brings together ALL OF YOU from more than 50 countries and over 250 organizations around the globe to increase awareness about EDs and evidence-based treatment. EDs are life threatening, brain-based disorders, with genetic linkages and metabolic factors. They are also possible to treat, especially when identified and treated EARLY.
Join us in sharing the information posted on this page, and the stories we share! We welcome stories of up to 800 words – that help to break stigma by sharing your experiences, and particularly how you have been impacted by, and are coping with the challenges of, COVID19. Also, keep checking the website www.worldeatingdisordersday.org for news of events.
To submit your story for this blog, write to: worldeatingdisorderday@gmail.com and june@junealexander.com
Remember to #StaySafe #StayHome and #ShareYourStory